Taking medicine and breastfeeding

Yesterday I went to my psychiatrist to get a prescription for the medicine I am taking. It did not go well. I came home almost crying. The reason for that was my psychiatrist's words.

I told her that I did a research and talked to a few children's doctors about taking drugs and breastfeeding. They told me that not all drugs are harmful to the baby. Children's doctors and breastfeeding specialists recommended me to trust the site www.e-lactancia.org. If this site gives information that a drug I am taking is compatible with breastfeeding I should not worry.

But my psychiatrist has her own opinion. She strictly said I should not take any drugs if I want to breastfeed my baby. She said that I should  not poison my baby. She even asked me why I cannot sacrifice for the baby and suffer without any medicine! And also started to criticize me for wanting to breastfeed at all.

I was shocked. I almost started crying. It was so obvious my psychiatrist has no knowledge about taking medicine and breastfeeding. Her knowledge about the topic is probably 30 years old. I understand that she probably had just a few pregnant patients during her career. So she should not talk about the topic she has no understanding about.

The worst thing was that I felt her incomprehension about my feelings and my disease. Can you imagine a doctor asking a bipolar patient who just undergone severe depression if she can sacrifice for the baby and stop taking medicine? What kind of doctor does that? Does she imagine I can somehow control my disease with my will?

I usually don't trust myself. I am very inclined to blaming myself for being week. So when I heard the words blaming me I started to hesitate myself. I cried. But today I understood that I have to be ready to hear  opinions like my doctor's. It is inevitable that I will face hostility to my decision to breastfeed while I am taking medicine. I have to stay strong with my decision. I will probably cry when I am alone. But I have to stay strong with my decision to breastfeed.