Today I want to write a post about my biggest fear. I can't stop thinking if I will be a good mother. Will I love my newborn? Where does this fear come from? I think it comes from my feelings now. I can't say I love my unborn baby. I am taking care of him and doing what is best for him, but today I don't feel unconditional love to him. I don't talk, read or sing to him. Sometimes I even get angry at him when he kicks my stomach.
Before I got pregnant I had imagined my feeling towards baby in my belly very differently. I thought I would feel very strong love. It did not happen. So now I really worry what if love will not come when the baby will be born. What if I will feel nothing when I will hold him in my arms for the first time? Will I be able to take care of my baby if I will not love him? What if I will not want to see him at all? So many scary questions... I have read that for some mothers love towards babies comes gradually and not instantly. Sometimes it takes a few months to really feel love for a baby. But I feel very impatient. When the joy I dreamed about when I was planning a baby will finally come? I am so tired of the negative feelings! I want to be happy finally! I want to feel happiness and joy about having a baby. I want questions and fears to fade. Why does becoming a mother is so difficult for me?
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