It seems that all I do these days is waiting. I am in the last month of my pregnancy. In a few weeks I will have a baby. Maybe he will be born sooner. So I wait. Unfortunately this is not a calm waiting. I am very nervous. I am afraid of giving birth. I am scared I can fall apart emotionally after giving birth. And I cannot make these fairs go away. I have to be with them. I have to survive.
Sometimes I feel like I am living in a dream. I feel like I will wake up one day and my life will be like it was before becoming pregnant. Like this pregnancy is just a dream. I want to wake up, feel normal and just go to work. I miss my old life.
At the same time I sometimes feel happy for a moment when I think about the end of the pregnancy. Very soon my pregnancy will be over and I will have a baby. Sometimes for a moment I feel excited. It is very hard for me to accept that my pregnancy is not a happy time in my life and that happiness comes only for short periods of time. Mostly the only feeling I have is anxiety.
