Taking medicine and breastfeeding

Yesterday I went to my psychiatrist to get a prescription for the medicine I am taking. It did not go well. I came home almost crying. The reason for that was my psychiatrist's words.

I told her that I did a research and talked to a few children's doctors about taking drugs and breastfeeding. They told me that not all drugs are harmful to the baby. Children's doctors and breastfeeding specialists recommended me to trust the site www.e-lactancia.org. If this site gives information that a drug I am taking is compatible with breastfeeding I should not worry.

But my psychiatrist has her own opinion. She strictly said I should not take any drugs if I want to breastfeed my baby. She said that I should  not poison my baby. She even asked me why I cannot sacrifice for the baby and suffer without any medicine! And also started to criticize me for wanting to breastfeed at all.

I was shocked. I almost started crying. It was so obvious my psychiatrist has no knowledge about taking medicine and breastfeeding. Her knowledge about the topic is probably 30 years old. I understand that she probably had just a few pregnant patients during her career. So she should not talk about the topic she has no understanding about.

The worst thing was that I felt her incomprehension about my feelings and my disease. Can you imagine a doctor asking a bipolar patient who just undergone severe depression if she can sacrifice for the baby and stop taking medicine? What kind of doctor does that? Does she imagine I can somehow control my disease with my will?

I usually don't trust myself. I am very inclined to blaming myself for being week. So when I heard the words blaming me I started to hesitate myself. I cried. But today I understood that I have to be ready to hear  opinions like my doctor's. It is inevitable that I will face hostility to my decision to breastfeed while I am taking medicine. I have to stay strong with my decision. I will probably cry when I am alone. But I have to stay strong with my decision to breastfeed.

Taking medicine during pregnancy

I have bipolar disorder for ten years now. Most of the time I was taking medicine and I did not have any manic episodes. But I had a few depressive phases. Before I decided to have a baby I had a very good period of three years  in my life without any signs of depression. I got a job which I liked and I was good at, so I made a career. I even decided to study at the university again and got a master's degree. I had a boyfriend I loved and I felt he was the one for me. So the next logical step seemed to have a baby. 

When we started trying to make a baby I stopped taking the medicine. I was taking Depakine Chrono (Acidum valproicum et natrium valproatum) and Cipralex (Escitalopramum) at the time. My doctor  approved my decision. It was especially important for me to stop taking Depakine Chrono because it is a drug which can cause serious birth defects in a baby.

I got pregnant very soon. I was hopeful I would not have to take any drugs during pregnancy. Unfortunately as soon as I got pregnant depression hit me hard. I was having panic attacks. I felt very scared and anxious. I could not sleep. Most of the time I was afraid I will die or I will go crazy. But I was very strong and patient and I managed to survive first trimester without taking any medicine regularly. Only occasionally when I could  not take being in a constant nightmare anymore I took half of a pill of Lexotanil (Bromazepamum) or a few drops of  Haloperidol (Haloperidolum). My doctors encouraged me to be patient. They emphasized that the first trimester of pregnancy is the most important for the development of the baby and that as soon as it would be over I could start taking medicine regularly.

So at the beginning of the second trimester of pregnancy I started taking Cipralex (Escitalopramum) again. Unfortunately my condition at the time was very bad and this medicine alone did not help me enough. I started having episodes of a severe fear and sometimes could not stop crying all day long. My doctor decided that my suffering is more harmful to my baby than medicine and prescribed me Olanzapine (Olanzapinum).

Now I am at the third trimester of pregnancy and feeling much better. It is still difficult to live but at least I am not suffering all the time. I sometimes have moments of anxiety but they pass by. I take Cipralex (Escitalopramum) and Olanzapine (Olanzapinum) now. I can feel medicine helps me a lot. I also have intense psychotherapy wich helps me a lot too. I will tell about it more in my upcoming posts. 

My baby seems to be developing just fine. I hope and I pray he (it's a boy!) will be healthy and strong.