My due date is in two months. On February 20th I am having a baby. I have just started realizing how real it is and that it is really happening. It is so strange when I think that one day I will be still pregnant and the next day I will be holding my baby in my arms. Giving birth have just become so real! I am so scared! I am trying to calm myself that giving birth is the most natural thing in the world. My body should be capable of giving birth. But it does not calm me down. I imagine how painful and scary it will be. I can see blood and I can see the baby tearing me apart very vividly in my imagination. I am so scared of giving birth that I sometimes get dizzy and I feel I can faint even when I am reading about giving birth or thinking about it. I am very angry at myself that I cannot make these scary thoughts go away. I understand that they are not useful to me in any way. They just make me nervous. But I cannot control my fears. I even talked to my friend who was also very scared of giving birth. She assured me that it was not so scary as she had imagined. But still I don't feel any calmer.
Today I will go to the lecture about giving birth. I hope I will be able to concentrate and I will not faint. Wish me luck!
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